i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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