there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
