how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
