12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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