In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
