i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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