Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
