you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
