trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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