problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
