Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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