ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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