Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
