i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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