I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
