i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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