It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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