I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
