I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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