he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
