why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
