i jhust puked up my retainher.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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