and she was petting her beer can
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
