very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
