cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
