the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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