Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
