I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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