last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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