We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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