They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
