You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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