they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
