We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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