We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
