I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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