I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
