We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
