I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
