Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
