How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
