I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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