At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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