I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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