Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
