I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
