Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i think i just lost a toe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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