he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
