the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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