and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
