How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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