goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
