Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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