Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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