dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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