I accidentally burped into my bong.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
