I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize