You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I bet he comes in French.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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