he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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