He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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