Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
