Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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