1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Boobs are out for the taking
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
