I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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