Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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