I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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