yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
