she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
