I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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