Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
