she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
