you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
