Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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