What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
