Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
