We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
