You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
