Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
