ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
