It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
